Beginnings

A New Year Begins

  Our youngest son turned 23 this year, a new year's baby, his birthday this year was on 1/1/11 it somehow seems significant though I can't quite say why.   :)

  We spent Christmas and New Years with him in Hawaii, where he is based, he is in the army and served his time in Iraq. He joined the army because he didn't want to go to college, now he is thinking college sounds like a good idea. :) I'm glad about that.

  Was amazing to spend time in Hawaii, I never expected to be there so it was a bit surreal, we really couldn't afford to go but he asked us to come and we realized it may be our only opportunity to go... so we went. :) and I found out that I absolutely enjoy snorkeling more than about anything else. I didn't care if I was tired, cold or even hungry, I just wanted to stay there watching this fabulous and fascinating world.  Seeing colorful fish and even a sea turtle resting on the sandy bottom trying to hide in some coral (a kind stranger pointed the turtle out)

  Standing on lava flows hardened and cooled yet not too far off still steaming and spouting some devouring homes and other homes left untouched with yards still growing trees and lawns made me think about how you never know what may come and what may not in this life. I wondered about why these people were still living there in the middle of this devastation with still visible activity all around them not nearly far enough away. There were even a couple guys who had built themselves a small cardboard geodesic dome to apparently live in on a spot even closer to some spurting vents that glowed brighter as the day faded. Were they living there because they thought they had no other choice? No other place to go? Or, was it, because they chose to stay where they had been spared from the terrible devastation their many neighbors had not been spared from? To face something like this and say hey we have been spared why would we leave now? Or perhaps they had moved in after all this took place having found some affordable housing?  But to choose to live in the face of impending doom day after day would probably make one indifferent to it after a time I suppose.  Maybe they just have great faith that God will watch over them. Maybe they just don't care what happens tomorrow. There were certainly many people who came to see this sight that evening and probably draws a crowd every day. Choices, circumstances, and Providence all play a role in our daily lives whether we think about it or not. Made me think about what my circumstances are and how my choices have impacted my life as well as others and also how much God is in control of things I can't be. I realized how grateful I am to leave things in His hands since He can handle it all much better than I could.

  And that is a good way to begin and end a year as well as a day, leaving it in His capable hands knowing He loves us more than we can describe. I'm glad to have such a kind Heavenly Father whose wisdom far exceeds mine that I can rest in Him knowing that His plans are to bless us.

 

another day begins

  Another day begins long before dawn as the neighbor's roosters start their daily competition around 4:30 a.m. usually by 5:00 a.m. I give up trying to return to sleep. It wouldn't be so bad if they all sounded rooster like, however, one sounds more like someone trying to scream while being strangled which is startling to say the least. I turn the lamp on and pull out my Clear Word Bible and read a verse or so in James 4, ponder it and lift my thoughts to our kind Heavenly Father sharing with him my thoughts and hopes and concerns especially for my children and their families. I give Him their care for the day and feel relieved to know they are in the best hands.

  One son is in Afghanistan doing his duty and missing his family as his son nears the 10 month mark. With modern technology like pictures, texting, e-mails and video calls he is more in touch with them than those of previous generations. My husband's granddad was in world war 2 and didn't see his daughter till she was almost 4. Communication then was mostly limited to letters which were edited for safety and difficult to get through intact.  Another son already served one year in service to our country in Iraq doing his part to help keep our freedom. The oldest was the one I expected to become the military guy and yet he never did.

  I have spent sleepless nights worrying about my children, as well as their children, and I have had to realize that location doesn't gaurantee safety. Putting trust in God to guide and gaurd them is the best I can do.  But when bad things happen, and someone I love does get hurt, how do I deal with that? I tend to be the momma bear type and want to be protective and deal intently with anyone who causes them harm, the first time I held my first son that instinct overwhelmed me, it was so strong and incredibly fierce. Yet too often I have found that instinct frustrated by the need to control it. It's just not ok to physically attack someone usually.

  At some point, usually sooner than later, one gets smacked in the face with an opportunity to choose forgiveness or reject it.  I find my momma bear instinct doesn't choose forgiveness easily, it takes the grace of God and His Spirit working in me, to reach the point where I realize forgiveness is better than vengeance. This time it has taken about 2 months to reach that point. 

  The thought process is something like this:  I want them to hurt like they hurt my loved one. I want them stopped...they shouldn't be allowed to ever hurt anyone again. There are so many people hurting in this world. Why does this go on. Why isn't it stopped. I want it to stop right now. God, make it stop now. God? Why is this happening? God? if people did things your way no one would ever get hurt would they. I've hurt people. I've done things wrong. I don't do things Your way enough do I? Help me not to hurt anyone again. Please, please, please help me do things Your way I don't want to keep doing things wrong. You've forgiven me, I don't want to forgive them...but I know I should...please please help me to forgive.  Oh.  I don't want to hurt them so much now...does that mean I've forgiven?   It takes a few more conversations with God before I really reach the forgiveness point.  And a lot of revisting Him and relying on Him to deal with the situation in order for me to keep that perspective.

  The absolutely wonderful thing about forgiveness is how it sets me free from the paralyzing poisons of hatred and vengeance. It's amazing how debilitating it is, very much like imprisoning ourselves by thoughts and choices of an angry hurt attitude, to hang on to these things. Now I find myself feeling like I can live my life again. I even started painting again yesterday and that is fantabulous. God is good, all the time, I'm so glad.

Kelly's blog, first thoughts

  I've heard about blogging, I've read blogs, I've even seen a movie about a blogger's experience cooking through the recipes in Julia Child's cookbook.  How fascinating to stick with something like that. It has it's appeal I admit.  I almost went and bought that cook book to start doing the same thing until I realized that someone already did that and I didn't really want to cook everything in that cookbook so I should choose something I'd like to stick with.  But deciding what that would be has been rather difficult.  You see, I'm great at starting things, but not so great at the stick to it part.

  Capi gets credit for getting me to this point since I've been reading her blogs and been inspired by the experience as well as the pictures and thoughts shared on her blog. Thanks Capi for your Caprician Chronicles.

  It seems like this could easily turn into a not so private diary, hopefully not, it would perhaps be more useful as a daily (or whatever time frame it becomes) reflection of things I'd like to share and or remember. Like that great recipe or a moment of clarity that needs a place to be reviewed during moments that clarity fades.

  What ever this blog becomes surely will show some of the God given creativity flowing in my life.  Hopefully.

Kelly's kreations blog begins

Being this is my first blog attempt I'm not really all that sure how this blogging thing works except that you type and post hehe so here goes.